You get to the end of the day, and you’re wiped out, but when you try to account for what you actually did, it doesn’t add up.
Perhaps you ran a marathon or maybe you hosted a board meeting. Maybe you didn’t do anything BIG, but you had a million small things to remember to do:
- Remembered to reschedule the dentist
- Tracked the parcel for your partner/child
- Mentally planned three nights’ worth of meals
- Anticipated a colleague’s meltdown and smoothed it over
- Noticed your friend’s tone in that message and wondered if they were ok
- Felt responsible for everyone around you
That’s the mental load.
It’s invisible. It’s unpaid. And it’s exhausting.
💭 So What Is the Mental Load?
Coined by sociologist Monique Haicault and brought into mainstream awareness by French cartoonist Emma’s viral comic “You Should’ve Asked”, the mental load refers to the ongoing, invisible effort of managing tasks, logistics, and emotional dynamics.
It’s the remembering, the anticipating, the noticing, and the planning.
And for many – especially in caregiving, leadership, or service roles—it’s a silent second job.
Mental Load is not equal to task Load
Let’s be clear: this isn’t just about being busy.
You might only have two Zoom meetings today—but be mentally juggling 30 threads at once:
- “Did I reply to that email?”
- “How do I word that difficult message?”
- “What’s the right tone for this?”
- “I must remember to…”
- “Do I have enough emotional capacity for that chat later?”
- “Rememeber to ring my parents”
Your body might be sitting still.
But your brain is full.
Why It Feels Like You Can’t Switch Off
Because the mental load is chronic, it creates a sense of constant cognitive activation.
You’re in “on” mode even when you want to rest.
This drains your executive functioning and makes it harder to:
- Focus on what matters
- Make decisions
- Set boundaries
- Be emotionally present
And over time, that can lead to resentment, burnout, and emotional flatness.
How to Lighten the Load (Even Slightly)
You can’t always make it go away – but you can interrupt it, try these small but effective resets:
1. Name it
Start by simply acknowledging:
“I’m carrying a lot in my head right now.”
That sentence alone can shift you from subtle stress to awareness.
2. Externalise it
Brain dump onto paper. Don’t structure it. Just get it out.
You’re fatigue is not laziness—your capacity is full.
3. Share the unseen
If you’re in a relationship, team, or family system, talk about the invisible work.
Not as a blame game – but as shared understanding.
4. Set a mental boundary
Just because you can think about something, doesn’t mean you have to.
Try:
“This is not my responsibility.”
“This can wait until tomorrow.”
“Their feelings aren’t mine to manage.”
5. Schedule mental rest
Give your mind the message: you are safe to switch off now.
Even 5 minutes without input, no screen, no conversation can be powerful.
Here’s a fantastic explainer of exactly what mental load can look like https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you a particular time in your life where you have felt the mental overload? Does this become a bigger issue at a certain age? How have you tackled overload?